Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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