I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
