Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
