Where did you get a picture of my penis
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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