Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
