I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
