I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
