Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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