so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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