Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
