I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
