some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
two words...techno handjob
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
