Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
