Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
