chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
birth control should be required to get into college
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
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