Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
