I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize
