I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
