I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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