Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
