I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I'm really busy with my period
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