I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
