He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
