I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
50% drunk capacity currently
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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