i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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