I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
