gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
