Sponge bath it is.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
