i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
