I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
The uberlube is also flammable
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
