McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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