The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
