I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Randomize
