never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize