apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Randomize
