My Higher Power is John Stamos
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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