stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
My liver just had a heart attack.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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