This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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