I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
