Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I wish you could order shots online.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
