nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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