I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
