wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
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