Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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