his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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