Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Randomize
