I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
