I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
