I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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