You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
