Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
