I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Drake has all the answers
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Randomize
