i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I have aggressive nipples.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
