these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Randomize
