her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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