So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
so much tequila, so little girl.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
