Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
