i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
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