can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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