Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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