how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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